The Art of Ninja Vanish

Ninja Vanish (verb): To quickly disappear from sight like a Japanese warrior escaping to fight another day.

The art of ninja vanish dates back to seventh century Japan. Large armies were commissioned by the Japanese emperor to defend the island from Mongol invasions and the occasional Godzilla attack. The elite among these men were recognized early and expected to train as Ninjas. These archaic special force commandos had a multitude of special skills to carry out their warrior missions, but no one skill was as important as the ninja vanish.

Perfecting the ninja vanish is paramount to living a productively prodigious modern-day life. Many situations necessitate a ninja vanish, yet many have not mastered the ways of this amazing feat. The art of ninja vanish is easily perfected with the designation of a target, proper timing, and knowledge of terrain.

Designating a target is the first step in successfully ninja vanishing. Know your enemy. Bystanders do not matter. This clod cannot see you leave. The ninja novice should start with the designation of a single target, but as skill improves the number of targets may increase.

Example: While in a bar you run into that weird kid from junior high that always smelled like shit, wore socks with flip flops, and had an awkward skin rash. Time has not changed him - he smells, dresses, and looks the same today as he did in school. This man is your target. The patsy won't know what hit him.

Appropriate timing when performing the ninja vanishing act is accomplished through recognition of opportunity. The moment a window opens, the ninja vanisher must recognize it and act swiftly. There's no time to think when you're going mach 3; you think, you're dead. Realize fortuity and get out of dodge.

Example: The smelly, sock and flip flop, skin rash has been chatty Kathie about old junior high drama of little interest to anyone but him. Not much has been accomplished in his life since he went through puberty, so he's singled you out to reminisce about a time most of us choose to forget. Opportunity presents itself when skin rash suddenly gets one of his infamous nose bleeds. Claiming to run for napkins and paper towel, you bounce. Peace out, stinker!

Lastly but not leastly, to achieve maximum vanishing, a ninja must be ever mindful of surroundings. Constant cartography of terrain and topography is vital in avoiding the post vanishing altercation with the previously designated target. Know the lay of the land and you shall be rewarded.

Example: Stealth mode through the bar crowd post vanish from the rancid, rash-covered, flip flopper. Recall the exits from earlier mental mapping. The previous preparations will lead you to the closest door. Take it. Your freedom is at stake. Vanish into the night.

Japanese warriors gifted a magnificent skill, and it has been passed down and perfected through the centuries. The art of ninja vanish rewards the practiced and prepared with successful escapes of awkward or unwanted situations. Proper application and preparation of the technique in today's world will aid the modern-day ninja in the quest for avoidance.

Know it. Learn it. Use it.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf