Rejected Hood to Coast Names

The Hood to Coast relay - affectionately known as the mother of all relays - occurs at the end of August. The course is simple: run from Timberline Lodge to Seaside, OR (200 miles), relay style. Each participant runs three legs for a rough total of 16 miles. The annual relay event draws teams of twelve from across the globe.

Relay officials have capped this year's event at 1,250 teams. Creative names are used to differentiate these teams - everything from Team Nike to Geezers Running. My personal favorite remains Six Chicks and Their Disco Sticks.

The deadline for team name selection is fast approaching, but unfortunately all of my suggestions have been rejected by teammates. The following are a handful of gems from the blacklisted names:

Sweaty Third Leg - While the first and second legs are sweaty, by and far the third leg is the sweatiest. The third leg is the climax of the relay for any runner. Regardless of the length of your third leg, it is always exhausting. The variation Hard Third Leg was also rejected outright

Runny Mess - Some days I just get the runs - a sudden urge to stretch my muscles and really let loose. Adrenaline pumping and a tingle starting at my core and running down my legs is all the encouragement I need to get off my ass and really unclog my system. This team name was inspired by how I look after the runs - sweaty, haggard, and exhausted. Teammates rejected the name because it aroused painful memories of porta-potties.

Bringing Up the Rear - Admittedly we are not the most competitive team out on the course - last year we were DFL. We have a good time, but we are constantly bringing it up in the rear. This team name is a fair and accurate description of the team's style, but it was rejected because a gaggle of teammates mistakenly believed it was an innuendo for anal intercourse. I can assure you this team name is about everything but sex. The variation Rear Admirals was also rejected.

Swass Attack - Sweat during physical exertion is a natural and desired bodily function. Sweat down your ass crack during physical exertion is unholy and disgusting. This team name was imagined at about mile four. Teammates rejected the name because no one cares for a sweaty ass.

Hooded Warriors to Coast - Abraham didn't get all the skin. Despite the American population's barbaric ritual of Male Genital Mutilation, there are still those out there sporting 4skin. This name was crafted with the intention of showing solidarity towards those who avoided the knife. Teammates rejected this name because they fear the unknown.

The right team name is out there - it's a combination of innuendo, snark, and tongue-in-cheek humor. Our team knows we aren't the fastest - we aren't competitive - but I'll make damn well sure we have an inappropriate name so that other teams have something else to laugh at besides our splits and finish time.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf