The Art of Man Camp

Good weather is upon us, and with it comes the opportunity to camp. Our team is embarking on the first camping trip of the season, so I've provided some guidance on the essentials of true man camping. The art of man camping has been lost with such distractions as preparation, cooking, and vanity.

It's time to grow a pair. Pack your bags and come with me. You're invited to man camp.

Preparation is for Boy Scouts. No need to set the tent up prior to leaving. A missing tent pole is simply an opportunity to sleep in your original, Picasso-esque, creation. The lopsidedness gives the tent character. In situations where all tent poles are MIA, simply sling the tent carcass between two cars and sleep underneath it. Better yet, forgo the tent...sleep in the damn cars.

Nutrition is important when man camping - strenuous activities such as building fires, drinking beer, and sharpening sticks into weapon-like objects takes a lot of sustenance. To ensure there is ample time to complete these camping chores, cooking must fall by the wayside. The menu calls for trail mix, pepperoni sticks, and Funyuns. The cured meat and onion puffs will be devoured, and everyone will pitch in picking out the M&M's from the shitty trail mix. Because they may be utilized for breakfast and as a dessert, Cocoa Puffs may make an appearance on the man camp menu - they are delicious.

Man camp is BYOB. Pack enough beer to last you a month because you'll ultimately finish it by the end of the weekend. Truck in the shitty stuff to share, but also schlep a small selection of good beer to use as currency. Don't want to set up the tent? No problem. Pay your buddy a micro brew to do it for you. Remember: there's no such thing as too much - leftovers are a desired problem. There's nothing worse than a dry campsite...except maybe a dry wedding.

Keep in mind every article of clothing you bring will smell like smoke and BO by the end of the trip. Even the shit you don't wear - the stuff still in your bag - will smell like smoke and BO. Pack accordingly. Showers are an unavailable luxury, so there really is no need to bring a clean change of clothing. Gone for two days? One pair of underwear. Gone for three days? One pair of underwear. Gone for four days? One pair of underwear! So on and so forth. For those prissy campers concerned about smelling nice - take a couple pine cones and rub them in your armpits, on your feet, and around your genitalia.

Man camping is a wonderful experience and a chance to live it up with your closest friends. Side effects of man camp will include crushing hangovers, abdominal cramping, massive bloating, and severe constipation, but the memories will last a life time!

xoxo,
ShavedGolf