Bloody Contributions

When people find out I donate blood, they generally ask, "You donate blood?" which is quickly followed by, "They let you donate blood?!"

It's true - the Portland Red Cross loves to suck my fluids.

Recently, I've noticed that the Red Cross could use some help in their marketing department. They always need more donors, but their trite reasons to donate fall flat on the masses. Free cookies and juice just aren't cutting it anymore.

The following is a list of reasons I donate, and you should too:

The Nursing Staff.
They're young. They're attractive. They're nurses. Hitting on the hemoglobin hotties helps pass the time. Most are female, but I don't discriminate. And if the nurse has a ring on, as most nurses do, I try harder. In order to donate, donors must answer some personal questions. Very similar to speed dating. For example, when the nurse asks, "Have you ever had sex for money?" I casually respond with, "Oh you wouldn't have to pay me." Fifty percent of the time it works every time.

The Exercise Excuse.
Believe me, physical exertion becomes extremely difficult post donation. A short run, climbing the stairs, a rousing game of just-the-tip - all become painstaking feats resulting in cramps and exhaustion. Full recovery time can take a couple weeks, so this provides an acceptable excuse to avoid activity. So sit on the couch, take the elevator, and push that frisky SO off of you.

The Drunk Donor.
The less blood circulating your arteries, the easier it is to get intoxicated. It's simple physics. Be sure to drink water prior to donating, but as soon as you leave that donor's chair, head straight to the local public house and order the highest alcohol contented brew possible. You're gonna be one cheap date tonight.

The Donor Deduction.
Blood donations are tax deductible. Because I donate red blood cells, I cannot sell my plasma. Income from plasma can be as high as $300 per month, multiply that by twelve months, and you're missing out on $3,600 annually. Turbo Tax won't prompt you for this deduction - clearly a simple programming oversight by Intuit.

To learn more about donating blood or to schedule an appointment, visit the Red Cross on the web: http://www.redcrossblood.org/

Follow the Portland Red Cross on Twitter: @RedCrossPDX

xoxo,
ShavedGolf