Gaudy Bar Gewgaw

"Hiiiiiiiiiii! Vanessa and I are here tonight promoting [insert drink here] and if you buy three you'll get this [insert crap here]!"

We've all been approached by them. It's awkward. No one likes it.

Yet beverage companies regularly turn to female promoters, or libation forcing floozies, to sell their product and hock junk. Cheesy trinkets get thrown around for the price of purchasing a certain beer or tasting a nasty liquor concoction. More often than not these knickknacks are tacky clothing or accessories that ultimately end up in the Goodwill pile.

Inevitably, if you frequent bars as I do, you will be approached by these ladies of the trivial. Most recently I acquired these rockin' sunglasses from one such encounter...

The cost was the mere purchase of some root beer flavored vodka drink. Thanks, Smirnoff. I like to leave the glasses as a coffee table piece - provides the illusion that women frequent my man cave.

The best piece of superfluous garbage ever bestowed was filched by yours truly. While that last sentence reeked of sarcasm, it was, in fact, sincere. Two promoters (read prostitutes) were navigating the crowded bar and pushing multiple beverages - one of which happened to be Dewar's 12 (scotch whiskey). The promoters, after reaching their two hour quota, left behind their treasure trove of souvenirs for vultures to pillage. My reward was this handy golf shoe bag...

Justification on keeping the bag around comes from one simple fact: it isn't uglier than sin.

Now...the inspiration for this post was not merely to showcase frivolous items in my closet. Instead the post is to call out the muse: the sassy trash that walked into the gym wearing this...

The Rockstar trucker hat was accompanied by the cool-girl gait and thick eyeliner - all contributing to make this individual as klassy as Ke$ha.

These gaudy gewgaws should never make it in to your regular wardrobe cycle as they did with this girl. Wearing these items is legitimate only during the stupor evening on which they were acquired or when attending the inevitable white trash party.

Rember: you will be approached; it will be awkward; you will not like it. Bar flies are just doomed to encounter promoters; however, if you sample their wares and wear their samples, do so responsibly.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf