You really are a sloth,
You're as lazy as a larch,
You're as pointless as a moth, Mister Hipster,
You're a porcupine's balls with greasy black froth!
You're a dummy, Mister Hipster,
Your head's an empty hole,
Your brain is full of toxins,
You have weed in your bowl, Mister Hipster,
Employers wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine & a half foot pole!
You're a foul one, Mister Hipster,
You have termites in your flat,
You have all the sex infections
Of a filthy wrestling mat, Mister Hipster,
Given a choice between the two of you I'd fuck the wrestling mat!
You're a rotter, Mister Hipster,
You're the king of sinful sots,
You stink of dead tomato
Splotched with moldy purple spots, Mister Hipster,
You're a triple decker vomit chunk and burnt stool sandwich with sweaty arse sauce!
You nauseate me, Mister Hipster,
With a nauseous super crotch!
You're a sluggish ass jockey
And you ride a sluggish hoss, Mister Hipster,
Your body is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of feces imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!
You're a foul one, Mister Hipster,
You're a stinky, skanky skunk,
Your home is full of unwashed socks
Your toes are full of gunk, Mister Hipster,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote 'Lazy, cheap, whore'!
xoxo,
ShavedGolf
Image liberated from guardian.co.uk.
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