Steve the Spin Douche

There's only one thing worse than a mega wedgie and a bad case of swass at spin class - a spin douche.  In this context douche is used to mean an obnoxious embarrassment of a human being (see Urban Dictionary) - Steve the Spin Douche is just that...a douche.  Let me caveat the use of this term by saying I'm not one to take the name of a feminine hygiene product in vain.  I'm certainly no feminist, and I'm no chauvinist either, but this guy is by and far the epitome of all that is douche.

Steve the Spin Douche is a freak show of embarrassing TMI and shrill karaoke.  His attempt at singing along to Ice Ice Baby is as unimpressive and pitiful as his complaints about loneliness and comparing his Valentines Day to a song with the lyrics "just you and your hand tonight."  Steve the Spin Douche's flat and screechy rendition of a Linkin Park song sends a shiver of embarrassment down my back - it causes me to hang my head in shame.

Steve the Spin Douche was fat when he started exercising in my class, and to his credit, he has lost a lot of weight.  Unfortunately his weight loss has only emboldened his douchey behavior.

Steve the Spin Douche pokes a small hole in the cap of every water bottle he brings to class.  When parched, he arrogantly throws his head back, brings the water bottle above his head and squirts water into his annoying pie hole.

The Spin Douche clearly had an attention-starved childhood as he strives for eyes of fellow spin participants.  Obnoxious commentary at high volume is quickly followed by forced laughter at an ever increasing level of loudness.  The Spin Douche uses exaggerated grunts to signify to classmates that he's working hard, and after a difficult set of hills, he'll release a long sigh and an excessive moan - he's spent like a 70's porn star.

I enjoy spin and believe you'd be hard pressed to find another form of exercise that burns as many calories as efficiently.  When I join a spin class, I'm there to work.  I'm there to sweat.  I'm there to get my adrenaline pumping and to burn the calories of the lunch time hoagie. I'm focused.  I'm determined.  I'm working out. However, when Steve the Spin Douche shows up, I contemplate leaving.

If you think you might be a spin douche, in some form or variation, please stop and think about how you are ruining the day of your captive audience.  And know that you might be the victim of a begrudging blogger with some time and knowledge of the English language.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf