The Small Victories

Discouragingly dreary days during autumn months lead many into a depression spiral. Reduced light. Reduced heat. Reduced fun.

Feeling like a piece of shit in body and spirit can create a multitude of problems in a personal or professional setting. So in order to keep from feeling blue, maintain friendships, and prevent getting shit-canned, I celebrate the small victories of the day. Honoring the accomplishments is not done with a party or event. No cake and ice cream. No fireworks. There is no physical reward, but instead, merely the knowledge that I did something great.

The sensation from utter relief and complete satisfaction is achieved through no easier means than by vanquishing an especially dirty turd. The bigger the better. A mega dump is like birthing, but instead, you're stuck with the product for a couple minutes, not 18 years. Completing a bowel movement creates a sense of jubilation for the remainder of the day. Discharge two in 24 hours and you're the fucking boss!

Ingrown hairs are painful, irritating, and unsightly. So there is no greater pleasure than removing these ingrown fuckers from your body. Like a surgeon carefully conducting an operation, the cancerous hair is identified and removed. Savor the victory by holding the rogue hair hostage and taunting it - make any survivor think twice about growing backwards. Bam! A true triumph of the day!

Nose hairs seem pointless, so there's nothing worse than one of those dicks catching air out a nose porthole. The bastard's at least an inch and looks like a spider leg. As if a pubic hair was bored of it's crotch domicile and moved north to find better real estate. It's dominated the nasal cavity and pestered the nostril interior for far too long. Pluck the fucker. Evict it with a discriminating tweezer tug. Fuck yes! Feeling successful now!

This isn't a lunar landing. It's not the end of a war. There's no cure to a deadly disease. In the spirit of such mediocre events, no physical reward is called for. Don't pop champagne. Don't toss confetti. Just crack a smile, throw your hands up, and announce to the world, "I did something fucking epic!"

See? Feel better?

xoxo,
ShavedGolf