The Real 99

Portland weekend news coverage television was dominated by Occupy Portland protesters and the Portland Police efforts to retake Chapman and Lownsdale Squares. The cluster fuck was entertaining for five minutes.

Anticipation spurred on by the events of the Oakland occupation had me hoping for so much more. Tear gas rolling along at ground level of the muddied parks. Police hurling stun grenades. Occupiers returning fire with concrete and Molotov cocktails. Police on horseback mowing bitches down. Occupiers lighting street fires and tipping cars. Police wielding batons and slapping unruly fuckers.

Instead, I was treated to docile police, crippled by local politicians and cell phone cameras, politely handling the uncouth mob. Chanting crowds almost obediently following orders. Portland Police asking, by show of hands, who would like to be arrested and then obliging the request. All followed by a tedious period of confusion and indecision on the part of the occupiers attempting to make their next move. Seemingly the most courteous eviction ever.

Truly horrible television.

Perhaps if the showdown had gone the way of my occupation crackdown fantasies, I wouldn't have found myself so pissed at the interruption of my weekend football routine. But as it was, local media, foaming at the mouth and wanting something to happen as desperately as their audience, kept on rolling through some of my NFL R&R.

I raged.

The experience drew me to one conclusion: the occupation is done. At the point the movement can't hold my interest during a lethargic Sunday and I opt to wash dishes and do laundry instead, we have a problem.

I'm not a part of the 1%, but I'm sure as hell not a part of what has been dubbed the 99%. I'm the Real 99. I'm plugged in. Hold a job. Own a car. Rent an apartment. I contribute to the GDP. And after a hard week, I like to occupy the couch with my ass, turn on the TV, and veg out to some fucking football.

I don't think it goes too far to say that I've earned that right.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm sympathetic to the idea of protesting for beliefs. Raising awareness through protest is a fantastic way of exercising the right to freedom of speech. However, the period following awareness must be filled with action.

The systemic issue with the Occupy movements across the US is their impotence to incite change. Rhetoric pours out from the camps, but inactivity diminishes the goal. Change will only be sparked by action. Start at the grassroots. Create community outreach. Get involved with charities. Form a PAC.

Change will be spurred by doers not complainers. Be the catalyst.

Alternatively, my advice is simply to go home. Because while you're out in the winter cold occupying some clod of dirt that used to resemble a city park, the 1% is getting richer and laughing at you.

And the next time you decide to get semi riotous, please consider all football schedules.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf