Amusing Searches: The Third

We've reached an impasse, you and I.  This time you've forced my hand.  I'm not even mad.  I'm impressed.    It's a feat of accomplishment.  Print this post and hang it on your fridge.  Maybe list it on your resume.  Frame it for your office.  Your searching has compelled me to do the one thing I hate most.  Censor.

You know this blog.  You know the content.  To say the topics are edgy and the writing racy would be a classy way of saying it's crude and vulgar.  So when I review the stats for the worst of the worst searches, perhaps it shouldn't surprise me that the Googled terms attracting visitors are in poor taste.

But even I have my limits.  In this, the third installment of Amusing Searches, I've had to draw the line.  Even I know better than to click publish on scandalously scornful searches that might draw the ire of authority and/or lure the wandering eye of unwanted perverts.

That's right.  I can't post it.  I can't write about it.  I can't mock it.  It's that bad.  So with that in mind, here now, for your reading pleasure, are seven censored search topics and my scathing ridicule of the internet idiocy.

floss
Try the medicine cabinet.  Looking to buy?  Try the pharmacy.  Shit, your dentist hands the crap out for free. But no, your pathetic oral hygiene isn't the reason you searched floss.  You merely wanted a picture of it.  For your efforts you were dumped at Trim, Floss, Adjust.

old looking young people
IMDB:  Because of an unusual aging disorder that has aged him four times faster than a normal human being, a boy enters the fifth grade for the first time with the appearance of a 40 year old man.

Go watch it.  See also: Greg Oden.

naked ash ketchum
Proving that hentai is alive and well.  When I published my Pokemon post, it never occurred to me that people would peruse looking for nude cartoons. I thought the post would receive hits from Pokemon enthusiasts like myself. Wrong. You're more interested in Ash's ass.

bitch is looking thick
Weight fluctuation among bitches is not uncommon.  Indeed bitches of certain breeds have a tendency to pack on the pounds.  However it is also possible your bitch is looking thick because she's pregnant.  Has your bitch been spayed?  If not, try to recall the last time your bitch was in heat.  Did the bitch come into contact with a male?  Do you think the bitch fucked him?  Best go see a vet about your thick bitch.

i usually don't find the droids
I don't always look for droids, but when I do, I usually don't find them.

lice pubic comb
Buddy...you've got problems.  Many of them.  Of the creepy, crawly variety.  Living in and around your genitalogical private reserve.  The wild lice roam free.  So nice of you to designate your pubic region as a safe haven for unwanted critters.  Fun to think how you're never alone.

simple shoe bag
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "Let me taste your ware."
"My what?"
"Not your what, your wares.  Let me taste you ware."
"What wear?  I got no where!"
"You know what ware!  Any ware!"
"Who's got wear?"
"You got ware!"

...or just watch the video...




Undoubtedly you're left wanting more.  You want to know what was cut out.  You want to know what was edited out.  You want to know what was censored.

Tough shit.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf