Spin Wars: Revenge of the Douche

The second installment in the epic saga of Spin Wars. Many have read and can relate to astonishing douchebaggery that is Steve (see Steve the Spin Douche).  Last week the Spin Douche returned with a vengeance.

Spin had been quite enjoyable as of late due to the Spin Douche's absence.  Workouts were peaceful.

Theories of Steve's absence varied - concern/fear/excitement/disbelief that maybe, just maybe, the Spin Douche had stumbled upon my little blog and was too embarrassed to return to a class with a spinmate this vicious and begrudging.  This could never be the case - Steve the Spin Douche is never embarrassed.

My heart immediately sank upon spotting Steve the Spin Douche - my respite from his douchebaggery had been short lived.

On this day, Steve the Spin Douche carried a wide rule, spiral notebook with "P90X" scrawled on the front in sharpie.  It explains a lot.  Spin Douche was proud of the notebook and placed it at an angle at the front of the spin room for display.

Prior to class starting, the Spin Douche let loose with usual unabashed rhetoric including his latest TMI tidbit.  The entire spin class, thirty strong, learned that Steve the Spin Douche was dumped via text message. This over share provided a plethora of visceral responses:

• Who cares?
• No one cares.
• Shocking...
• You date things?

For the next hour we were at the mercy of the Spin Douche and he did not disappoint.   We were treated to the frequent grunts and moans signifying hard work.  He blurted lyrics to songs he only partially knew in true karaoke form.

At some point Steve the Spin Douche lifted his shirt to use as a sweat rag and look at himself in the mirror.  His pudgy tummy clearly affected positively by strenuous spin and yoga classes.  The Spin Douche was proud.  The rest of us cringed.

But it was the end of class that filled me with horror and spurred this installment of Spin Wars: Steve the Spin Douche announced his intention to become a spin instructor.  He explained, with a wide, arrogant grin, that it had been a goal since he began, and he would be taking his instructor test soon to gain certification.  [See initial response here.]

The room began to spin.  I blacked out.

I came to with Steve the Spin Douche in my face preparing to give mouth to mouth.  I haven't been back since.

Subsequently I have found a new gym; dreadful with the knowledge that I'm still not safe. Steve is still out there and his influence is spreading like herpes...

xoxo,
ShavedGolf