White Collar Like Me: Things You Shouldn't Whip Out

Success in a career comes to well-liked individuals. First impressions aside, the approach to remaining well-liked is to be friendly, hard working, and completely ambiguous in beliefs, causes, and shlong size. Along those lines of ambiguity, a successful businessman will avoid whipping out the following three things: religion, politics, and his dick.

So simple to do, yet so often violated by the working world. It seems common sense, but sometimes it's good to review the fundamentals. What's wrong with my religion, my politics, my dick? Why can't I whip these three out and flaunt them like a fanatic/pundit/porn star?

Let's review the keys to successful office place demeanor. Let's review the three things you shouldn't whip out.

Religion
Believe in what you want, but keep it private. Praising Jesus for pots of coffee, reading the Bible on your lunch break, and Teabowing every time you win new business is just bad PR.

The flaunting of religion limits your possibilities and therefore your potential. While the beliefs may open doors among a small circle of like-minded zealots, it will likely alienate a larger crowd. Feigning religion to impress the boss will most likely backfire in some embarrassing way. In the event it doesn't backfire, I hear God's not a big fan of faking it.

Politics
Vote (or don't) for the people and causes you believe in, but keep it to yourself. That faded Kerry/Edwards sticker callously slapped on the bumber of your Geo Metro may seem cheeky and fun to you, but unfortunately others have varying opinions on politics.

Much like religion, politics is a polarizing topic. Unless the office is filled with a gaggle of apathetic non-voters who abstain for lack of ideology and knowledge, you have the potential to alienate many. Avoid the mess of explaining to your conservative boss why you're a flaming liberal and just keep your grassroots mouth shut.

Dick
Flirt all you want, but keep your dick in your pants. Surprisingly an ever increasing number of the US workforce are reporting that they shit where they eat. Four out of ten women report lusting after an office crush while ten out of ten men report fantasizing about that hot piece of ass from Accounting. These statistics are startling when you realize what a dumb fucking idea office romance is.

FACT. More relationships end unsuccessful than end in happily ever after. FACT. Friendship post romantic involvement will end once she starts railing the boss. FACT. You still have to work with that slut and your skeezy boss. Feel free to fraternize with your cohorts but DO NOT fuck your coworkers.

A man's place of employment should be a place he can be proud of. It should be job providing a product or service worthy of standing behind. It should be a fat paycheck to cover the bills. Drama threatens all of this. Your idyllic employment can all come crashing down, so in the interest of self-preservation, you'd be wise to heed this advice. Keep your religion private. Keep your politics to yourself. Keep your dick in your pants.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf