Twat Tweet 3000

The reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated. There's far too much to say, and my ego simply won't allow critics to break this beautiful blog. I must say I was taken aback by the outpour of support from the StoryTime faithful. Thanks for standing up to censorship or, as I call it, terrorism, but next time, you should really read to the end of the post.

So it dawned on me that some of you may be craving more of me. Can't say I blame you. I'm pretty awesome. For the unawares desperate for daily witticism, varied vulgarity, and sizzling romance there is hope. Twitter. I tweet on my twat when I have something vaguely humorous or ambiguously dramatic to say.

The shameless promotion of this blog post happens to be tweet 3,000 for the @ShavedGolf Twitter account. In celebration of this minor momentous milestone, it seems timely to pay homage to the social media that I use, peruse, and abuse. Here, in 140 characters or less, are the reasons I'm on Twitter and you should be, too.

@ShavedGolf: First and foremost, the superfluous and flowery fluff is removed and the remaining content is the raw information you're interested in.

@ShavedGolf: Follow who you want. What's doing in the @NBA? What's @johnboehner thinking? What's @HotPinkTaco serving? Choose who you want to hear from.

@ShavedGolf: You see what I did there? I put @johnboehner & @HotPinkTaco in the same tweet. #WINNING

@ShavedGolf: @twitter can be used for up-to-the-second breaking news. Follow @CNN, @msnbc, & @CBSNews for more breaking news than you care to be broken.

@ShavedGolf: @twitter provides access to individuals that security wouldn't allow IRL. While you can't touch them, you can at least chat them up.

@ShavedGolf: Example: I don't know @ErinAndrews, but I'd like to. I'll tweet her! Bonus: a response or RT from @ErinAndrews is spank bank GOLD.

@ShavedGolf: Everyone's doing it. From @RyanGosling to @RyanSeacrest. From @SteveMartinToGo to @the_real_nash. From @Justin_Stangel to @justinbieber.

@ShavedGolf: Shit, even @kingsthings is on @twitter and he's older than your grandparents...combined.

@ShavedGolf: But forget those shlubs! I'm on @twitter. You love me. You clearly don't get enough of me. So sign up, log on & enjoy my shit.

Sometimes I tweet. Sometimes I twoop. Sometimes I drunk-tweet. Sometimes I sex-tweet (like Weiner's wiener). Regardless of my cognitive state, location or demeanor, you can be assured of one thing: it's 100% @ShavedGolf 110% of the time.

xoxo,
@ShavedGolf