Roughly two years ago, I entered a rustic bar along rural highway 30 with a coworker. We were headed to the Oregon coast - Seaside - after just completing our last legs in the mother of all relays - the
Hood to Coast.
We grabbed a celebratory beer. Coworker paid.
Fast forward to approximately two weeks ago - I enter a trendy sports bar on the east side (
Spirit of 77) with a small group and amongst them, the same coworker. Hurriedly, we order our beers and asked for the check - stopping in for a quick pint before hitting a work related dinner. After assuring the waitress it was us not her, I exclaimed, "I've got this...I owe you a beer from two years ago."
My declaration of Beer Debt was met with laughter and jeers. That I would keep true to my commitment made by downing a 22 oz Hamms two years ago seemed absurd to my friends.
Their mockery was met with scorn. Beer Debt is serious. Therefore, I give you...
The Seven Rules of Beer Debt
- The first rule of Beer Debt is: you do not talk about Beer Debt.
- The second rule of Beer Debt is: you DO NOT talk about Beer Debt.
This cheeky 90s reference (yes,
Fight Club came out in the 90s) is merely to say that the bond of Beer Debt is an unspoken one. There is no need to discuss Beer Debt publicly - this may lead to, among other things, disbelief, as my anecdote above proved.
- Third: if this is your first time acknowledging Beer Debt, you have to buy a round.
OK...last Fight Club reference, but seriously, if this is your first time acknowledging the sanctity of Beer Debt, then you've probably been skirting your obligations. Subsequently, you might be out of drinking buddies. Time to make new friends and treat them right.
- Fourth: there's no scorekeeper.
It's like golf - tally your own drinks. This is the honor system at its best. Don't keep score what you're owed...unless there's a mooch in your midst...then call that bitch out.
If a friend provides an ancient Bavarian brew from Babylonian times crafted out of mastodon urine, nectar from the Garden of Eden, and fermented in Aphrodite's womb...don't return the favor with a PBR.
- Sixth: Beer Debt is transferable.
Beer Debt can be cashed in for other goods and services. Food, foot massage, sexual favors - these are are acceptable forms of Beer Debt repayment. However, it's important to note, this process is non negotiable. The sixth rule refers back to the first and second in that there should be no discussion of Beer Debt.
- Seventh: the Rules of Beer Debt may be amended.
If it benefits those that dip into alcoholic lines of credit by utilizing Beer Debt, or if abuses are reported in the system, the Rules of Beer Debt may be amended. Justice shall be handed down swiftly for misconduct or exploitation of the Beer Debt - drinking privileges will be revoked and you will be appointed designated driver.
Use Beer Debt wisely and you will be rewarded with honor, respect, and most importantly, plenty of drinking buddies.
xoxo,
ShavedGolf
Thanks for this. For the past couple years I have referred to it as beer currency, and I think it's a good standard of decorum in drinking establishments. With that being said, I get really pissed when I buy a few rounds and then someone leaves just because it's their turn to buy. It's an easy way to find out who your friends are.
ReplyDeleteBeing that it is St. Patty's day, this is a very timely post. Let us all keep these rules in mind as we imbibe this evening.
ReplyDeletebeing unemployed, i have a heightened sense of awareness about the beers purchased and beers owed. i am in a lot of beer debt. but in an effort not to come across as cheap, a mooch, or oblivious of my climbing debt - at every opportunity I talk about my debt. I just want my friends to know that i am good for and am not going to skirt my beer debt responsibilities. is this wrong? have a broken rules one and two?!
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