Amusing Searches: The Second

Blogs are best when they write themselves. When they flow from my mind, through the keyboard, and into the ethereal interwebs. Well...that shit ain't happenin' tonight. The creative juices aren't flowing. I'm in desperate need of a topic. And so I turn to you. My muse. My entertainment. My audience.

Much like the original search post, Amusing Searches: The First, I've poured over the data, scrapped the stats, and plucked the most inane shit you bitches are searching.

Here now, for your viewing pleasure, seven stupid searches accompanied by smart ass ShavedGolf commentary.

inappropriate jedi mind tricks
How cool would it be to walk into a bar, find the hottest chick, wave your hand and say, "This is the dick you've been looking for." Then you hop in your Jedi speeder, cruise back to the Jedi bachelor pad, and Jedi-fuck the shit out of her. Just one problem. Jedi's wouldn't do that. Only a Sith would. Fucking noob.

bath room of colege [sic]
Dude...you got of right. That's it. Everything else in this search is wrong. You may want to bone up on your spelling because you're never gonna find the bathroom at your college with spelling mistakes in your search bar.

hippie facehole
A hippie's facehole is fun-loving and free-spirited. Their facehole isn't down with The Man. A hippie's hole loves poetry and spouts it often. A hippie facehole is all about experimenting with free love and mind-altering drugs. Male faceholes are adorned with unkempt facial hair. They like rainbows. Goals of a hippie facehole: world peace, unity, equality.

awesome guy with awesome mustache
Interesting search technique. Does the awesome adjective aid in locating what you're looking for? I'm gonna test it out. Awesome chick with awesome tits. Confirmed. The inclusion of awesome drastically improved the quality of chicks and tits in the search results.

i taste pain and regret in your sweat
Said by the same guy that eats shit like me for breakfast? Pretty sick, dude. Not sure why you're tasting my sweat. If you're not down with the pain and regret, try the semen, it tastes like winning and success.

speed sticks testicular
No no no. You're doing it all wrong. The Speed Stick isn't meant to go on your balls. Sure there's a pleasant cool feeling the instant that goopy gel hits the testicles, and sure your balls are gonna smell like Cool Sport for the rest of the day, but fuck, that shit's sticky! Your nuts would be doing the Spider Man between your thighs. In the end, I suppose it's up to the individual...if your nuts smell that bad, do what you gotta do.

champagne pussy ass
WTF? So many questions. What's a pussy ass? Is that some mutant combination? Sounds terrible. I can only assume that a pussy ass's drink of choice is champagne. What would prompt a person to search for a champagne pussy ass? Suggestion for all: DO NOT Google image search this one.

Entry topics are hard to come by. They don't just grow on topic trees. It's tricky shit. The blogging process is polishing a turd, dressing it up nice, and squeezing it out into the blogging world. Tonight, you helped in that process.

Thanks for searching. I hope you find what you're looking for, you champagne pussy ass.

xoxo,
ShavedGolf