Unbelievably, we've made it to the one year anniversary. You and me. We did this together. I would have quit writing bullshit long ago if it wasn't for my awesome audience. All three of you. Mom. Uncle Martin. And you, my best friend. Thank you!
We endured a lot over the past year. The good posts. The bad posts. Spelling mistakes. Controversy. Lime light. Creepy stalkers. Zombies. All the ups and downs of the year have brought us closer together and strengthened the one-way relationship more than our occasional sexting could ever do.
Now, put your hand in mine, as we take a short walk down StoryTime lane and pay tribute to my wonderful writing and your voluptuous viewership.
My blogging origins originally originated from the desire for a more meaningful hobby. While video games and masturbation are fun, they just aren't as fulfilling as anxiously piecemealing limited vocabulary in a mad-dash-marathon to publish a turd once a week.
I started as a contributing writer on a friend's website, but it became clear early on that I was not committed to a site I couldn't call my own. That...and I wanted to post a dick pic...and he wouldn't let me.
Venturing out into the blogosphere, I published my first post about one of my favorite bands, Guster. Guilty Guster Pleasure. Using some simple Excel magic and my iPod data, I showed the world that I was a dirty pirate whore when it came to music. I owed the band some money. They saw my post. Shit went international.
With that first taste of stardom, I was hooked, and I committed myself to a life of literary servitude every Wednesday evening. We've been rolling ever since. In chronological order, a short list of my personal favorites accompanied with some micro synopses of the drabble within.
Hippie Pimple Party
To this day, this entry remains the only post with ShavedGolf generated artistry. Every other pic is generally stolen from Google image searches and is never credited properly. Exceptions to this are posts about my man cave because they often contain pictures of said dwelling. Hippie Pimple Party remains one of my favorites because it was the first entry I felt proud of. It's true. It's to the point. It's about acne.
The Seven Rules of Beer Debt
A true tale of a beer enjoyed and ensuing guilt trip of a debt to repay. Coworker friend bought me a Hamms and two years later I repay him with a brew. Disbelief that I would remember such a long overdue debt led me to the creation of The Seven Rules of Beer Debt. This bitch picked up a little foot traffic on the interwebs.
Dr. Comcastic or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cable Provider
Three reasons this entry rocked. First, I actually sent that email to Comcast. Second, the post is somewhat helpful to Comcast customers fed up with lousy service. Third, I saved $147!!!
Gaudy Bar Gewgaw
Female drink promoters suck. They hock shitty drinks and hand out ugly promotion swag. While I hate these "libation forcing floozies" with a burning passion, greater scorn is cast on those who willingly wear the promoters gaudy wares.
Zinfandel and White Lilac
A meta entry focusing on the process of blog production. Writing is serious business, and it takes the right mindset to produce such high quality pieces of shit. This entry is a favorite because I thoroughly enjoyed writing it.
Pitfalls of Internet Dating or: How I Didn't Meet Your Mother
Together we explored the perils of online dating. Or rather...I did and told you about it in StoryTime's first official miniseries.
- Pitfalls of Internet Dating or: How I Didn't Meet Your Mother; Part One: The Profile
- Pitfalls of Internet Dating or: How I Didn't Meet Your Mother; Part Two: Messaging
- Pitfalls of Internet Dating or: How I Didn't Meet Your Mother; Part Three: The Date
List Entries
I became increasingly fond of list entries. The benefit is simple: long prose requiring little transitional work between topics. Translation: I'm lazy...so here's another list...
- Useful Euphemisms
- Amusing Searches: The First
- Fantasy Football Fuckers
- The Worst Drivers in Portland
With that list we're brought fairly close to the current. I hope you've enjoyed year one as much as I have. I hope that you continue to read, not out of our undying friendship, but out of a passionate love for the Wednesday content. And beyond all else, I hope you enjoy what you see here...
xoxo,
ShavedGolf
No comments:
Post a Comment